June 10th around midnight, when I was heading to bed, something black caught my eye. It was a small spider. Thoughts went through my mind. I don’t really like spiders- hey look creepy to me. This was just a tiny little thing. Part of me wanted to just let it go and forget about it. A new thought crossed my mind. I was bitten by a spider while asleep a few days before. I awoke with a small itch on my right hand, just below my arm. I could see three small red spots where I had been bitten. No big deal, still the thought of this small spider biting me, overcame my thought of letting it go. So I got a bit of toilet paper to kill it. My first try at killing it spooked the spider and it started to run away. My second attempt to catch it was successful but I didn’t press very hard and the spider escaped twice, I could tell that it’s little legs might have been broken. Well I realized if I was going to get rid of the spider, it would be best to do it instantly instead of causing it fright as it tried to get away from me. I grabbed a piece of toilet paper. I pressed down hard, but was not sure if I killed the spider, I pressed very hard all around the toilet paper and I could feel a small swish, I immediately felt regret for what I’d done. My thoughts were, I had no right to kill this small creature, it was no threat to me and I thought I had just committed a wrong against nature. How would I like it if I was doing no harm to someone as I was walking by them, they did not like me because I looked creepy to them, so they decided to catch me and kill me. I went to bed with the realization that the killing of this small spider was causing me guilt and stress. I tried thinking of something else but sooner or later the killing of this spider brought hurt somehow to my being. I kept thinking of the swish, and how that was my exact moment when I realized there was no turning back. What I had done was a wrong against nature because this small cute little spider had every right to live as I did. The whole matter brought to my mind, how this world I live in has consequences. Sure, I thought, it was just a small spider, no big deal, yet my consciousness has evolved enough to realize this small creature was not a threat to me, so why kill it.
The whole realization that we humans kill each other, in many ways as thoughtlessly as I just did with this small creature, which begs the thought, we’re all creatures of nature — will we ever collectively come to a consciousness where killing any creature of nature (including us) is not necessary if we think rationally, that fear of something or someone can lead us down a path which brings us pain. Andrew, you’re my guide, am I on the right path here, or am I just a damned fool for even thinking such thoughts.